They told me you'd get over it.... but never told me how.

They told me you'll move on.... never told me when.

They told me you'll grow up.... never told me how much.

They told me you'll achieve.... never told me what.

They told me you'll fall.... but never how much it would hurt.

They told me you'll see..... never told me what to watch.

They told me you'll love......never told me who.

They told me you'll hate.... never told me with how much ferocity.

They told me.......but never explained.

They told me......but thoughtless words.

They told me.......and they told me.....they never knew.... they never wanted to.....

They told me you'd be disgusted.....and i am with them......

They told me you'd be surprised.....never told me shocked....

They told me.....

And i listened........

They never told me.....yet i flew......away from them.....from their half rotten truths..... half known truths......

A flight.......i told myself........i flew.....i knew how......i flapped my wings....i knew how much...... i rose higher and higher.....and i knew..... those unexplained truths......the clouds in the sky.... discouraging, honest........none was required.......all was required was Me.....my wings.... and my flight......

Dark, blind corners

I walked. I walked away from the dark, blind corners of hidden alleys, far from them.
I jerked awake in the morning, early with the dawn. A distant song played somewhere. The phone rang, a consistent, annoying ring. It rang through my ears, a harsh vibration. My arm crept into the painful, numbing cold, reaching for it. My hand shook, it vibrated. I pressed a button, and it stopped. I held it to my ear, a sleepy ‘hello’, followed by silence. The silence cut the air. It pierced through my bones. My silence. The man talked, and I listened. I nodded. Then I remembered, the phone didn’t have eyes. I responded, in agreement, and pressed another button, now pushing it away, far, far away. I crept into the painful, numbing cold.
The sun drowned in darkness. The darkness rose, lashing its whip, all over my world. I missed the calm, yet violent, striking presence of the sun. I walked into the street, flooded by the cold. The beautiful, smooth, white powder rested in my pocket, safe, yet dangerous.
I walked into the dark, blind corners of hidden alleys. I recalled, and turned right. A wall loomed over me, and I halted. There was the hard, cold metal can. The green popped out of it, as if declaring its presence. I reached, and clutched it, marvelling at the crispness. The powder, safe and dangerous, blinding, numbing, found its way to the green’s home.
I walked. I walked away from the dark, blind corners of hidden alleys, far from them. Then I heard it. The roar, the squeal; the car. I stopped, not yet far. The window half disappeared. I stared into a dark, black tunnel. There was a click. An explosion.

I jerked awake in the morning, early with the dawn. A distant song played somewhere. The phone rang, a consistent, annoying ring.
Déjà vu.

Torn...

The slash of red, of green, of yellow, and the pale blue sky, shuddering, paling at the sight, the feeling of it. The shrill laughter, the astonished, wondered cries, the awe, the glee, the excitement, floating in the air, creating a web, beautiful. The children, small little legs, carrying big, important heads on them. They held the strings, a roller in the chubby hands, staring up at infinity. The string was endless, leading to an unknown end, a known end. An end of brilliance, of angles, creativity, and a dazzling harlequin. It moved in the air, jerky, yet fluid. A gust of wind, a pulling of the strings. The movements of a ballerina. The sharp movements of a martial artist. There it was, in all its glory, and all its importance. They joy, the brilliance. Then they came. The letter of victory, stark and white. A formation, flapping its wings, moving ahead. The slashes of red, of green, of yellow, and the sharp white formation, laughing at having torn it to pieces. The shrill laughter, the astonished, wondered cries, the awe, the glee, and the white, creating the letter, the formation. The children, their small little legs, now supporting big thunder on it, with the roars, the anger, the dismay and the misery. Their small little legs, now supporting big fat tears. Their chubby little hands, the roller dropped. The colours…falling. Slowly swooping down, not to catch the prey, but after having been caught. Up there, the pale blue sky, shuddering, paling at the sight, the feeling of it.

a....puzzle.?

“You can’t do it, you can’t.”
The voices flew about, like meteors in the sky. They were dark, yet blazing. Destructive things. Beautiful form far, far away, but as you get near them, they blow you apart, till you are no more than little, insignificant pieces, present somewhere, yet nowhere. Your soul, ripped apart, in shreds, floating into nowhere, desperately trying to join back. The soul, knowing it can join back, but not knowing how. All attempts futile. The others, meanwhile, watch. They watch you, gleefully, amused, happy. An impure joy, an impure happiness. An impure amusement. Yet, amusement all the same. They see you beg, see you broken, bent, shattered, all with satisfaction. The beautiful, wretched moment that they had waited for, for so long, the moment they had strived for, fought for, dreamt about. The moment when all the glory, the beauty, freedom, strength, it all blew apart. When they see a man, a man in each and every true sense of the word, blown to tiny insignificant pieces. You beg them. You hate it, hate yourself for doing it. But you do it. You beg them. Beg them to let you join again.
A hint of the old beauty comes back. Then you realise, and the horror, the disgust, the revulsion, it fills you up. It pushes out your dependence, fills you up. It pushes out your dependence, your pity, your sympathy. The horror and disgust goes. And you are pure…again. The beauty, the glory, the strength, like a powerful gust of wind, it brings you back together, joining the pieces, fitting them together. A jigsaw puzzle. And a beautiful picture emerges. A picture of man, a man who lives up to the true, deep, full meaning of the word. And you are mesmerised. The others shrink. They shrink till they cannot be seen. And you forget them. All hint of their presence is gone. There is just…purity.

Ecstacy, a strange happiness

I wandered for centuries,
Looking for the cause
Behind this undeniable, wretched pain
That cut into me, full of remorse.

My heart seemed cut open,
Mercilessly ripped out of me;
The reason for it, I didn’t know,
A thousand priests, I did see.

I asked the priests, the elves, fairies;
Not one knew what to do.
Then a wise maiden I did seek,
Who knew, and had felt it too.

Her hair flew about her,
A tempest, right in itself.
The beautiful red, the sharp white slashes,
The long strands, the mark of an elf.

‘You look’, told a silent whisper.
‘Look for the one that completes you,
You will feel ecstasy, a strange happiness,
And you will find your love, true.’

‘Fare thee well,’ and away she went,
Her hair, as if colouring the air.
I heard her words again and again,
Find my love, would I dare?

I wandered for centuries, a journey again;
Looking for this unknown end,
To this undeniable, wretched pain which
Had sent me to the world’s end.

My heart seemed cut open,
Mercilessly ripped out of me.
The reason for it, I now knew;
Travel I did, across the sea.

I reached a land:
Exotic, inviting, seductive and strange.
And I stood, inhaling its air,
Mesmerised, with the sudden change.


I looked for her,
The end to my pain;
I wondered who she was,
So I could finally be sane.

A crowded street, shouts, cries;
A labyrinth of people, insignificant.
The bright colours, stalls, booths;
The stall in a corner, vacant.

Ecstasy, and a strange happiness,
A deeming of colour, of magic.
There she stood, an aura about,
And there ended this life, so tragic.

The long strands, of scarlet blood;
The eyes, a gray of thunder;
Translucent skin, diamond smooth,
And I watched, transfixed with wonder.

I almost staggered, overcome with awe.
The beauty, serenity, the violence of it,
My pain, the insanity, forever gone.
The world, for me, now suddenly lit…

I found myself, now fully complete;
No more pain; the joy finally set in.
And I knew, the time was come
That my life would, really, begin.